Should's And Shouldn'ts Of ED Recovery

We had another big group this week. I am encouraged to see so many of you continuing to make time and space for recovery, even during what tends to be the busiest season of the year. And, for those who may not be able to attend, I hope you find connection and support from these posts. A number of things showed up Tuesday night. The phrase, “I’m not sick enough for treatment,” has come up more than once in the past couple of weeks. Most, if not all, struggling with an eating disorder are familiar with that one. We talked in group about some of the lies of the ED—how high the bar is set and unaccommodating are its commands. The truth? The truth is that it never stops because the ED is never satisfied. Whether you’ve struggled a month or a decade, the demands are the same; they’re impossible to reach. The ED speaks a language of comparison, and health is of no interest to it. Remember that the ED wants nothing more than to take you out of life, and its tactics are sneaky and manipulative. Listen, though, to that voice of health deep inside you. If you can’t quite hear it, open yourself up to the wisdom from your therapist, dietician, and trusted others in your life who know you best. The ED won’t like it, but that’s okay! It’s about you taking steps toward health and wholeness.

The word should comes up quite a bit in this group. I should feel this way. I shouldn’t feel that way. I shouldn’t be sad. I should be doing more. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Don’t ‘should’ on yourself?” An ED is full of shoulds and rules and demands. It is inexhaustible with its lists of to-do’s and requirements, and rest seems to have no place. Some in our Tuesday night group have recently experienced some pretty devastating losses. Natural reactions range anywhere from sadness to fear to anger to anxiety, but the ED tells you not to feel those things. In fact, it acts to numb those feelings. I echo the words of several in the group, who maintained that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. To have compassion for yourself during the chaos and confusion. To scream and cry if you need to. To rest. To need some alone-time (or some other-time). Or even to accept the fact that you may not know what you’re feeling. Regardless, though, to be where you are and to honor that. You may find that this acceptance will begin to show up elsewhere—in your voice and in your requests of others. In the words, “I need help,” or “I can’t do it alone.” My challenge for you is to ask for what you need during this time. None of us were created to go it alone; we need people around us to help carry some of the load. May you find yourself daring to speak a little louder, and to know that you don’t have to shoulder it all. May you know that your voice and feelings are valid.

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator