At our group this past week, Courtney brought the topic. She shared a "Goodbye Letter" that she wrote to her eating disorder (ED). Use Courtney's letter as a model, and write your own "Goodbye Letter" with a trust in your process!
A Letter to ED
You are a gnawing hunger, never fulfilled, for it is not you I desire, it is a sense of self-love and belonging, acceptance of my inner self. I find it far easier to control what goes in and out of my body, manipulating weight and hunger in a attempt to numb my emotions, rather than feel the pain of loss and longing, tears left unshed, resentment, anger and coming above all -- fear. I use you to fill that void and these inexplicable burning desires within my very soul.
You taunt and tease me as hunger anxiety grows to unbearable proportions. I must fill my empty body, leaving me feeling unclean, filthy, disgusted and full of utter self hatred as I have given over my sense of willpower and control to you, ED. I am compelled to exorcise your demons. Purge your ugly presence from my body. You are very deceitful as this temporarily gives back to me some sense of control, but it is you, not I , who has had control over me. You have been the leader in a never ending vicious cycle of hunger and anxiety. A circle of death.
I am tired of the effort it takes to hide you from others. Tired of the secrets and dishonesty fueled by the shame and embarrassment I feel with you in my life. Isolating myself further from the rest of the world, family, friends and potential friendships. I feel weak and worthless, slave body and soul to you. You are not my friend at all but the epitome of the devil himself, slowly leading me down a path to ultimate self destruction, physical deterioration of my body, emotional and intellectual dysfunction. You take away my self and all I desire to be, leaving me with nothing but guilt, shame, embarrassment and self hatred.
I have written this letter to you so that I may begin to regain my true sense of self and lessen your hold on me.
Goodbye to hiding behind secrets.
Goodbye to never enough or always to little.
Goodbye to a false sense of control.
Goodbye to guilt and shame.
Goodbye to self hatred.
Goodbye to self inflicted physical and emotional abuse.
Goodbye to emergency room visits, doctors and hospitalizations.
-- written by Coutrney
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