Change As A Part Of Recovery... And Life!

After volunteering for nearly 3 years for the Eating Disorder Foundation's weekly support group, I am "passing the baton" to new leaders.  It was very hard to "say goodbye" last week, but I am making this choice so that I can devote more focus to my clients, supervising my interns, and writing my next book!

Two of our other volunteers – Tricia Cassady and Stefani Adair – are also moving on to new and exciting opportunities.  I am very grateful for all they have given to the members of the EDF group.

Kate Broyles Daigle, who has been volunteering this past year, will continue to co-facilitate a few times each month, and new volunteers will also be participating.  It has been a privilege to witness the growth in all of the members who have attended this group over the years.  I hope that my message of "complete recovery" lives on inside you all.  
  
I will be continuing this blog with posts for ongoing support about eating disorder recovery, so you are welcome to follow, this blog!  Or, send me a personal email to keep in touch, at DrDorie@PositivePathways.com

P.S – There is a new support group for BINGE EATING DISORDER starting soon at the Positive Pathways office in Denver.  The group is being led by Kathryn Hamrick, Couneling Intern, who has also overcome binge eating and other eating disorders.  She welcomes you to contact her for more info at Kathryn4825@aol.com

The Process Of Change During Recovery

Another rather full house on Tuesday night. Again, I left amazed, having witnessed such a level of authenticity and support. The kind of safety and encouragement that thrives in that room continues to leave me humbled and deeply touched. There are a lot of support groups out there that just don’t look like this one; your group is special, indeed.

A couple members spoke of the “in-between” of recovery—that place where you’re not so afflicted by behaviors but also aware that you’ve been here before, and the behaviors returned. It can feel unsettling, that space in the gray, not quite sure when the anvil will fall again. You wonder, “Is this it? Am I done, or is this just a momentary reprieve? A temporary vacation from the eating disorder?” Group members congratulated one another, though, for the success of any length of time without behaviors. What are some ways you can maintain that attitude of celebration—commemorate it? Whether it’s 1, 5, or 75 days, be encouraged that every step is a victory. Some members are walking through some pretty significant transitions during this season; others are facing very deep and challenging (and unpleasant) things in therapy. What was echoed back to these folks, though, is their exuding a calmer presence. Perhaps it has something to do with being faced with such significant challenges and facing your fears, head-on, that brings strength. It calls out from you a strength you may not have known you had. As you begin to walk it out, though—really take steps through those hard places—my hope is that you begin to see for yourself the courage and strength you really possess. And that it continues to infiltrate other areas of your life, giving you that much more determination to walk away from the ED. Another member talked about honesty and the challenge it can be to really exercise that while struggling with an ED. My guess is that all of us can relate to the deceitfulness that just seems to naturally accompany an ED. When we’re in it, self-preservation kicks in, and we’ll do just about anything to protect it. Recovery, though, calls us out into the light—out of the shadows and into speaking the truth. It forces us to get real and get honest. This member has committed herself to honesty in recovery. Groups like this one help foster that kind commitment. Coming together, speaking our struggles in the light and in the company of others, is powerful. Whether you know it or not, you are calling your recovery into existence, just by acknowledging it, verbally. Finally, another group member shared her sadness and frustration with “doing all the right things,” yet not seeing results. She is fighting for recovery, doing the hard work of therapy and group meetings and so on, yet not really seeing the payoff. Many in the group responded by reminding her of all the ways her success in recovery has inspired them to keep going. Recovery can be very slow-going, and it can be next to impossible to see our own progress sometimes. When we feel stuck, we need others to remind us of where we came from, where we’ve been. And, all too often, we have no idea how our own stories are impacting and changing the lives of others.

I would like to leave this entry with that idea. I’ve had the privilege of helping with this group for the past 18 weeks, and I am sad to say that this next week will be my last. As I’ve expressed before, it has been an honor to co-facilitate in a group of so many gifted individuals. You all have such wisdom for one another and such courage to continue to show up, week after week, fighting for freedom from the ED. I am challenged, inspired, and moved every time. I have been profoundly affected and for the better. Thank you, Dr. Dorie, for taking a chance with me. Thank you, Kate and Tricia, for your leadership and teaching. And thank you, group, for allowing me to witness your journey. It’s something I don’t take lightly. I will carry it with me in my heart and miss this group. May you continue to fight, continue to lift one another up along the way, and experience the joys of life on the other side. 

Peace and recovery to each one of you, Stefani

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator

Should's And Shouldn'ts Of ED Recovery

We had another big group this week. I am encouraged to see so many of you continuing to make time and space for recovery, even during what tends to be the busiest season of the year. And, for those who may not be able to attend, I hope you find connection and support from these posts. A number of things showed up Tuesday night. The phrase, “I’m not sick enough for treatment,” has come up more than once in the past couple of weeks. Most, if not all, struggling with an eating disorder are familiar with that one. We talked in group about some of the lies of the ED—how high the bar is set and unaccommodating are its commands. The truth? The truth is that it never stops because the ED is never satisfied. Whether you’ve struggled a month or a decade, the demands are the same; they’re impossible to reach. The ED speaks a language of comparison, and health is of no interest to it. Remember that the ED wants nothing more than to take you out of life, and its tactics are sneaky and manipulative. Listen, though, to that voice of health deep inside you. If you can’t quite hear it, open yourself up to the wisdom from your therapist, dietician, and trusted others in your life who know you best. The ED won’t like it, but that’s okay! It’s about you taking steps toward health and wholeness.

The word should comes up quite a bit in this group. I should feel this way. I shouldn’t feel that way. I shouldn’t be sad. I should be doing more. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Don’t ‘should’ on yourself?” An ED is full of shoulds and rules and demands. It is inexhaustible with its lists of to-do’s and requirements, and rest seems to have no place. Some in our Tuesday night group have recently experienced some pretty devastating losses. Natural reactions range anywhere from sadness to fear to anger to anxiety, but the ED tells you not to feel those things. In fact, it acts to numb those feelings. I echo the words of several in the group, who maintained that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. To have compassion for yourself during the chaos and confusion. To scream and cry if you need to. To rest. To need some alone-time (or some other-time). Or even to accept the fact that you may not know what you’re feeling. Regardless, though, to be where you are and to honor that. You may find that this acceptance will begin to show up elsewhere—in your voice and in your requests of others. In the words, “I need help,” or “I can’t do it alone.” My challenge for you is to ask for what you need during this time. None of us were created to go it alone; we need people around us to help carry some of the load. May you find yourself daring to speak a little louder, and to know that you don’t have to shoulder it all. May you know that your voice and feelings are valid.

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator