We had a small and intimate support group meeting last night; but with three folks present, we still managed to fill up the time! Members shared their week’s successes and challenges openly and honestly. One admitted that she has had a particularly painful week with too much transition and too much of “one thing after another.” That coupled with too much loneliness has led her back into behaviors. Where the eating disorder, though, would like to try and convince her to stay in that place of solitude—doing the familiar when life seems so strangely difficult and unfamiliar—she has chosen instead to reach out to her therapist—and to this group—and communicate what is going on. Another group member shared that she is beginning to own the past and acknowledge some severely grave injustices done to her. As she walks towards healing, she is bravely opening herself up to those dark places from the past which have stayed hidden. As the emotion begins to come up, though, she has been struggling more with old ED thoughts. Our last member shared her very raw sadness with the group, both mourning the loss of a relationship and beginning to feel anger as a part of that process. Even in these most difficult of emotions, though, she has remained behavior-free. (We have decided as a group that recovering from an eating disorder stands alone as its own “Olympic event.” Nothing about recovery is auto-pilot; it is intentional, challenging, heartbreaking, inspiring, joyful, exhausting, depleting, a grieving process, a re-learning of life, a re-learning of self…to name a few. It is medal-worthy, to say the least.)
Recovery is a process…Speaking up and letting others in is a brave step towards recovery and silencing the ED. The ED wants you to stay silent—complacent. Recovery is about living out loud—choosing health by using your voice to let others in. The ED wants to keep you in the dark, feeling the weight of that universal loneliness so many of us struggle with. Recovery beckons you to live in the light, allowing others in to share your story and witness when you’ve taken a step or two back. Much was echoed in our group about loneliness and how that can be one of the most painful feelings we ever have to experience. I would like to put a question out to all our group members about loneliness—What are some ways to choose health, even when you’re experiencing those deep-seated pangs of loneliness? Where have you found comfort—in ways that don’t feed the ED—in the lonelier times?
Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator
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