Eating Disorder Recovery During The Holidays

Greetings to all of you and Happy Thanksgiving! In the spirit of thankfulness, let me share again how thankful I am for this group…for each of you who continue to show up in recovery from this thing called ED…for the courage and wisdom and inspiration you bring to the table each and every week. You inspire me in more ways than you know, and it is truly an honor to sit among you and share a little in the journey. 

Speaking of Thanksgiving and the Holidays, in general, it can be a challenging time of year, can it not? How encouraging it was, though, to see 12 of you show up at group on Tuesday night, encouraging and supporting one another through recovery—even during a time of year that may not feel all that conducive to recovering. The stress of the Holidays can be enough to send any one of us back to coping mechanisms that make us feel a little more comfortable, a little more safe. Several members shared, though, about a new sense of balance they are experiencing lately with food. While this whole concept can be entirely lost during this time of year, one relayed that she was being intentional around the Thanksgiving meal by reminding herself that it is only one day, that she doesn’t “have” to binge, but also that she doesn’t need to spend all her downtime on the treadmill while her family is enjoying one another elsewhere. We talked some about approaching this particular meal (and others during this time of year) without fear, and members shared different tactics that have worked for them in the past. One shared a tip she has learned from her dietician—envisioning your plate ahead of time and actually drawing out what it will look like (i.e., foods, portion sizes, etc.). Then, once you get to the meal, there is no longer so much of that unknown to fear because you have already planned your mode of attack ahead of time! (This particular group member, in fact, has been experiencing quite a lot of success with trying new, scary foods lately; she is learning to enjoy different foods and situations, even when she is in less of a position to control those things.) Another member shared about a recent trip she took and the kind of freedom she experienced, learning more about “normal” and intuitive eating and the new sense of peace and enjoyment this brought to her vacation. “That’s why I’ve chosen to do recovery! To have that kind of freedom!” one group member commented.

Just a reminder that we will continue to meet throughout the Holidays and that this group is a great place to practice “putting your recovery first.” Also, utilize the phone list and your fellow group members’ contact info throughout the week; it’s a great way to stay connected and get support during what can be a very challenging time of year. May each of you experience a little more freedom than fear during these holidays, a little more hope than despair…more peace than unrest.

Because you’re worth it!!!

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator

Connection and Control In Eating Disorder Recovery

We had a big turn-out at group on Tuesday evening, several regular attendees and some new faces, as well. We spoke a little about how stepping into a group like this for the first time can be scary. Sharing such vulnerable parts of yourselves with strangers, perhaps not knowing how you’ll be received, not even quite sure you’re ready to say—out loud—you may be struggling with an eating disorder. Yet again, though, the group process reminds us that we are not alone. There is no need to stay isolated or hidden in the shadows. As members shared their stories, I heard over and over, “Everyone in this room has felt what you’re feeling,” or “Everything you just said has been said in this room.” When you begin to hear your story, spoken out of the mouths of others, connection and healing are taking place. The ED would like nothing better than to keep you in hiding or as one member put it, “in the dark places.” But as you begin to come forward into the light and speak—in the company of other witnesses—the ED begins to lose some of its power. Whether you feel it or not, you have chosen to take a step towards health. And all of us, I’m convinced, need reminding at one time or another that we are okay. That we’re valuable and significant and seen. That we have a place and purpose in the world. As one member shared her current challenges, another reflected back to her, “I only wish you could see what I see. I wish you could see how amazing you are.”

We talked about that ongoing battle of always trying to “fix” those things in our lives that are broken or just aren’t perfect. Body, appearance, job, salary, home…the list goes on and on. One member shared that she once was convinced that if only she could fix all of these things, life would be good and she could be happy. What she is learning, though, is that the foundation of it all is in truly loving herself. When that self-acceptance piece is there, somehow acceptance for all the rest seems manageable. “Life is a chessboard,” she expressed. “No matter how I try to manipulate the pieces, the chessboard will still be there.” My guess is that any of us who have struggled with an ED—and perhaps the entire human race, if we’re all being honest—can relate to this tendency to focus on the external when the internal doesn’t feel okay. Looking to find order and control in those things on the outside when what is on the inside is not so neat and clean. This idea of control, though, is elusive. We can’t always see how it’s roping us in like quicksand. How we take a step and “fix” one thing, but another is always around the next corner. The more fixing we do, the more we seem to get swallowed and consumed by the need to do so. These disapproving voices sound not so vaguely reminiscent of the ED voice—the voice that won’t ever seem to let you rest because there are always five more pounds to lose, extra miles to run, more rules to follow…I wonder what the external around us might look like if we really stopped all this efforting. Would it really all fall apart? Or, might we find a little more peace than we knew was possible?

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator

Sharing the Success of Eating Disorder Recovery

We had 4 members in attendance Tuesday night. To those who could not be there, your presence is missed. And, just a reminder to utilize the phone list with your fellow group members’ numbers. We are here to support one another, but it may take you reaching out—first—and calling that person.

Everyone shared some very real challenges, yes, but I must say that what struck me the most on Tuesday night were all of the successes. Let those not be minimized! Members talked about really feeling their feelings—for perhaps the first time in their lives—and not resorting to behaviors as a way to cope. –The awareness that whatever feeling it may be—whether sad or anxious or depressed—is truly temporary and will pass. One member relayed that there are a number of challenges ensuing in her life right now, but she is continuing to use her voice in the hard places and setting her intentions around this winter season—that it will be unlike any other…a season of health.       We talked some more about that need to advocate for ourselves in places where it may be uncomfortable—with employers, family members, or even in putting boundaries around our time. It’s an ongoing process, this staying on the offensive about recovery. The default may be to slide back into ED-related thoughts and behaviors, and it takes a lot of awareness and proactivity to keep health first. May you continue to remember that your recovery and well-being are worth more—that those things deserve not to be sabotaged, whether by a disapproving other in your life or a disempowering environment. Many, too, said they have been behavior-free for a good length of time, and this is something to be celebrated! May you find time to pause this week and reflect—relish—in the successes you have been experiencing. Whether you’re celebrating 5 minutes or 5 months, really acknowledge the enormity of that accomplishment.

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator

Climbing the Mountain of Eating Disorder Recovery

At group on Tuesday night, I heard several echo feelings of being overwhelmed, looking at the mountain before them of to-do’s and seemingly impossible situations. The weight of that mountain is really too much sometimes, and it may make the “simplicity” of the eating disorder sound all the more alluring. Trying to navigate the rocky terrain of schoolwork, finances, body image, relationships, difficult family conversations, or feeling like the ED is just too big a hurdle…Too much at once can really send us to a place of hopelessness and despair. So, what do we do in those moments? 

One member shared her method of making life more manageable—do the next right thing. Whether your next right thing is getting through the next hour or the next five minutes, what is that baby step that needs to be taken? Some other very practical suggestions were shared by group members—Finding a sponsor through OA (Overeaters Anonymous, technically, but an AA-type support base that encompasses all eating disorders—anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder, EDNOS, etc.). –Also, perhaps changing up the format of regularly scheduled therapy sessions (i.e., instead of all weekly, hour-long meetings, requesting one week’s meeting be divided up into five 10-minute phone check-ins with your therapist). What does your next right thing look like?

We talked, also, about getting to know ourselves outside of the ED. That can encompass so many things…Finding your voice, advocating for yourself in tough situations, exploring new hobbies and interests. The ED is so all-consuming that it monopolizes our time and becomes our voice when we let it. Our true passions and interests take a backseat when the ED is driving. Beyond it, though, is a whole other world. Members talked about experimenting with new hobbies, new ways of being, new ways of relating to others, new ways of relating to themselves. Where in your life is the ED doing the talking? Is there space in your world you would like to reclaim?

As the group shared and encouraged one another, I was struck with something else…Picturing that mountain, knowing that every single one of us has been there in that hopeless place…It can feel very isolating. When you’re doing the day-to-day and struggling to put one step in front of the other—support group not in sight and therapist separated by distance and voicemail—you may feel very alone. The temptation may be to feel like you’re the only one—that no one feels what you are feeling right now. This is when we need to be reminded how much we need one another. We all long for community and need that listening ear or shoulder to cry on. In the pit, we need to be reminded of our other group members standing at the top, looking over the ledge and pulling for us. Or, maybe we look over our shoulder and realize there are others, right alongside us. Watching the cycle of encouragement play out in this group is pretty astounding, really. One member who, not all that long ago, was feeling rather hopeless herself, benefited from her fellow members’ insight and encouragement to hang on. Now, she is finding herself in a stronger place and offering hope and words of wisdom to another member. When we find ourselves losing hope, again we remember that there are others who are willing to hang onto that hope for us. We may need to lend it out temporarily; we may need to let others believe it for us…But it has a way, somehow, of coming back around.

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator