How Rest Helps Eating Disorder Recovery

We had another full house on Tuesday night, and yet again, I am astounded by the wisdom and encouragement that emanate from this group, week to week.

I heard quite a bit around the conversation of being versus doing, that old animal that seems to be such an ongoing challenge for so many of us. Sadly, living in this world just perpetuates that. Our microwave culture of productivity and bottom lines and time-is-money is so pervasive that escaping it is next to impossible. Most of us are over-committed and tend to find ourselves stretched a little too thin. What I heard on Tuesday, though, seemed to resonate of a counter-attack on that very philosophy. It sounds as if several group members are beginning to listen more to their quiet intuition—an inner knowing that whispers ever so faintly, “Rest is okay!” It can be foreign territory, though, because that mindset is so counterintuitive to the eating disorder. The ED, after all, is about doing and running and striving, and it never seems to be satisfied with “enough.” It’s the drill sergeant in our minds that is always yelling to do more, run farther, be better. It’s not very kind, and it certainly doesn’t reward you for contentment.

But rest…Rest is health. Listening to that quiet voice within you that says it’s okay to be. To sit. To enjoy the moment…and then some. And then some more. And, there are a lot of perks that come with the “being”—allowing yourself to own and enjoy a good mood; not taking on others’ negativism as your responsibility; having dessert for its mere pleasure, and with no agenda to “make up for it later.”

We talked some, too, about environment on Tuesday. How places we once knew can trigger old behaviors and coping mechanisms—ED-related and otherwise. The fear around returning, maybe, to where we grew up or an old workplace. Even if, in fact, a lot of success and recovery has ensued since that time in our lives, our bodies hold those memories of familiar places, people, sights and ways of experiencing them. We can be triggered out of nowhere, simply because our senses are reminded of what they used to know. What are some ways, though, we can create and build structure in an old environment and not give in to old habits or ways of relating to it? How can we reformulate these “old normals” and turn them into “new normals?” Some great insight was shared around the table in answer to this question.

Listening to your body is one way of responding. The body is a pretty insightful tool; it clues us in to those “danger” signals and, if we’re listening, it can give us clues and reminders. When we become aware of those cautionary reminders, we are that much more on the alert to remain vigilant. Another defense is to create “new rituals” in that old environment. For instance, maybe your old mode of operation was to arrive at work, head straight to the coffee pot and round the bend towards your cubicle and the barrage of emails which inevitably await in your inbox. Perhaps, though, you might establish a new way of doing things—creating a quiet refuge in your office near a window with plants; pausing in silence before answering the litany of requests; sipping on herbal tea instead of the corporate brew. These are just ideas and may translate differently in your own lives. Begin to ask yourselves, though, “What are some ways I can practice self-care in my own environment? Where can I be intentional about establishing some solace in the midst of chaos?”

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator

Strength Through Support For Eating Disorder Recovery

We had a full group on Tuesday evening—several of our regular attendees, a returning member, and some new faces, too. I continue to stand in awe of this group process as it unfolds; whether folks have been in one another’s lives for some time or just meeting, there is a commonality that binds every person at the table together. It is true what they say—there is strength in numbers. It can be easy to forget that when we go about the day-to-day, bombarded with to-do’s and shoulds and deadlines and likely encountering a lot of others who just don’t quite get what it means to struggle with an eating disorder. It may feel like crazy-making, for sure!

Which is why support groups like this one are invaluable. Hearing the stories and affirmations and the “I can relate” is what normalizes our struggles—reminds us we are not alone. Indeed, we are not crazy. In fact, we’re not all that different from just about every other person we come into contact with—because we all have our stuff. How we allow that to unfold in our individual lives, though, is unique and may look different from those around us.

One member spoke of her experience out of inpatient treatment—how she feels like she left the ICU, only to enter a playground. How doing recovery out in the real world is such an alien feeling…and how strong those ED voices have been since she entered outpatient. The group echoed encouragement that she is not alone but on the right track…and should not feel that extra, unnecessary pressure of trying to “do recovery perfectly.” There was more talk on Tuesday night about how transitions in our lives can produce a lot of anxiety and reacquaint us with ED behaviors, after perhaps experiencing a considerable reprieve from behaviors. One member, though, found the strength to “halt” in the middle of a particularly painful day and then found herself on the other side, breathing deeply again after feeling like she wasn’t going to make it through. The more practice we get—sitting through those hard places and learning to reach out to others in the midst—the more resilience, I believe, we find in ourselves. It may call to mind thoughts of “Oh yeah, I did this last time; I made it through. I can do it again.” One returning member talked about the freedom she had been experiencing with food since leaving treatment and how her mind has truly shifted—viewing food as nutrients her body needs in order to function and how it’s even an enjoyable process!

Dr. Dorie shared with us some wisdom “from the trenches,” so to speak. She likened the ED thoughts to a minefield. Walking through, scared, those thoughts lie, ready to blow us up. We all know how destructive those thoughts can be; the damage they can do ranges anywhere from extreme injury to ultimate destruction. In lieu of only avoiding or sidestepping them, she said, why not imagine yourselves digging them up, one by one, at the root—destroying that ticking time bomb entirely. Rather than live in fear, coexisting with and trying to avoid those little balls of destruction waiting to go off—get rid of it, altogether. Total recovery and freedom from this disorder is possible.

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator

The Hope of Eating Disorder Recovery

Isn’t it cool when it works? We’ve talked over and over in group about how recovery is difficult, a process, full of ups and downs and twists and turns, an Olympic feat. But on Tuesday night, the theme I heard echoed through the group is that members are not only working hard at recovery, but they’re reaping some its more pleasant benefits. Experiencing some of that calm and peace that everyone tells you will come eventually. I remember that while doing some of the messy work of my own recovery, I used the word “when” pretty often. When will it come?When does it end? How much longer is it going to feel like this? I longed to be through all the muck and just on the other side, finally. On Tuesday night, some of the voices I heard around the table seem to be coming from the other side. 

One member said that she had really been working on loving herself this past week and had quite an epiphany in the process—that it’s certainly a lot more pleasant and fun than the alternative! She seems to have found, too, that doing recovery and having compassion for herself is infectious; it’s attracting others to her. Group members echoed, too, how inspired they were by her movement towards and into health—inspired to continue moving forward in their own recovery, through their own hurdles.

Another member spoke of finally feeling a sense of calm instead of hopelessness. Her eyes are being opened to what may lie at the root of her past self-destructive behaviors—a hunger for love and connection. Seeing it for what it is seems to have brought her a renewed sense of energy, and the lies seem to be dissipating. “I’ve been waitingfor you to get here,” was an encouragement I heard from her fellow group member. 

There was more talk on Tuesday night about truly loving ourselves, truly hearing and accepting compliments from others, truly believing in our inner goodness and wisdom. There just seems to be something to that “love yourself”thing that we talk so much about.Witnessing this kind of recovery-in-action is thrilling, really. It’s roll-in-the-dirt, scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs fantastic.

My hope, though, is that each of you feels encouraged and supported—regardless of where you are at right now in your recovery. Whether you’re walking in more of those flecks of light and truth and freedom these days, or if your footsteps feel more labored—murky…just continue walking. Continue putting one step in front of the other. Keep moving towards recovery…or the hope of recovery….or at least the hope of the hope of recovery. And let us know how we can support you along the way.

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator

Letting Go of ED... and More

A note from Dr. Dorie:  A very dear friend of mine has recently learned that her Mother only has about a month to live.  What is my friend thinking and feeling at the loss of her parent?  How do we let go of someone we love?  Is it somewhat like letting go of our eating disorder?  Do we love it... not want it to die... yet know we must let go?  Below is the recent update about our Tuesday night group, also on the theme of letting go.  I hope it inspires you to attend and participate.  Or, to just stay connected with us.

Thank you to all our group members who were in attendance last night; and, to those who were unable to attend, I hope these updates bring you a sense of connection and encouragement.

We seem to be seeing in group a theme of needing to take our own advice. Isn’t that so often the case? It just tends to be easier to find the positive and feel the hope for others than it is for ourselves. A number of individuals last night echoed to one another that they see them on the other side—of the ED, of the unhealthy relationship, of the self-destruction. The words, “I am here for you” and “we support you” were echoed throughout the group to struggling members. Many could relate to that ever-present struggle of trying to accept our “set-point weight.” The word “courage” came up more than once.

A number of common threads ran throughout last evening’s discussion. The theme of control was echoed in several members’ check-ins. The need to find control in some area of life, or even the need to have somesort of self-sabotage or addiction. Even those things are forms of control. Whether that be the eating disorder itself, a relationship, exercise, or another form of behavior, it can be difficult to break the attachment. To loosen our grip, though, is to relinquish that control; here, then, comes the letting go.

Letting go of the need to be a certain weight; letting go of a person; letting go of an addiction we allowed ourselves to be defined by. Letting go is terrifying! Who are we, after all, if we’re not the eating disorder or the behavior or the relationship? Sometimes that possibility can be too scary or anxiety-provoking, in and of itself. But, indeed—who are you? Allow your heart to dream of the possibilities. Who are you when you allow yourself to be defined by something other than that thing you have grown so accustomed to? One group member, in fact, said all too profoundly that she has discovered the missing link—to love herself. How might your day look, then, if you exercised love and compassion for yourself instead of negative self-talk? What kind of an impact might that kind of grace have on your decisions? With whom you interact? The ways you spend your time? Food for thought...


Written by Stefanie Adair, Volunteer Facilitator

Holding Onto HOPE Of Eating Disorder Recovery

A small and intimate group again this week. One member spoke of the journey she is currently on, traveling back through various forms of abuse she has experienced throughout her life. In order to move through this and onto the next, she is having to go through the painful process of sorting through those seasons. Her goal is recovery and healing, but in order to do so, she first must give “language” to the past. While this is a necessary thing, she—like most of us—is all too aware of how agonizing that process can be.  Another member struggles with relationship issues, having a hard time moving past that hole she feels in her heart. We continue to remind her, though, that she is not truly stuck; she continues to choose to face the pain without ED behaviors. As we let relationships go, we all shared how we can fixate on the good times and forget all of the really unhealthy things. Letting go of relationships which aren't working, including letting go of ED, can be very challenging.  The two are oddly parallel: both entail grieving; both entail choosing not to listen to accusatory voices; both entail a letting go…The promise on the other side, though, is so very worth it!  Another group member shared how she is feeling rather hopeless, and reacquainted with ED behaviors. She echoed that feeling of “stuckness,” worn down by the routine of “work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep.” She is longing for connection, yet longing for someone on the outside to reach out to her. This is one of those times where we can feel discouraged, but this is when we need others to hang onto that hope for us. We can allow others to “borrow it,” and it will be given back when we’re ready.  Another group member relayed some challenges with “binge-drinking,” which can be a "trade-off" for ED behaviors, but also very damaging. For her, there is a feeling of discomfort, which can trigger ED or drinking behaviors. The group talked about “sitting through” that uncomfortable feeling….waiting out the time and not purging….distracting….calling others in that moment, instead of engaging in behaviors. We talked, too, about “experimenting” with this idea—“I deserve not to self-destruct today.” What might that look like? Would your day change? Would the space around you reflect what you really are—worthy and valuable? Perhaps, it’s an experiment worth engaging…

The journey through the pain is hard work, is it not? I heard much of this echoed throughout our group. On the one hand, we have a choice—either to continue through life, above the surface, allow the hurtful pieces of our past to be ignored or stay buried beneath coping mechanisms, behaviors, and the like. (The eating disorder comes in handy here.) Or, we can choose to open up those pieces of our stories that we may rather not. Revisit the dark places. Go there. Let go of the familiar It’s scary—terrifying, really. And not a fun process. But, I believe that something greater beckons us from the other side—hope. The hope of a fuller life and one that promises more freedom, authenticity, and empowerment. This is the journey we’re all on. And I am honored to be in a room with so many courageous women who have taken up the challenge.

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator