The Process Of Change During Recovery

Another rather full house on Tuesday night. Again, I left amazed, having witnessed such a level of authenticity and support. The kind of safety and encouragement that thrives in that room continues to leave me humbled and deeply touched. There are a lot of support groups out there that just don’t look like this one; your group is special, indeed.

A couple members spoke of the “in-between” of recovery—that place where you’re not so afflicted by behaviors but also aware that you’ve been here before, and the behaviors returned. It can feel unsettling, that space in the gray, not quite sure when the anvil will fall again. You wonder, “Is this it? Am I done, or is this just a momentary reprieve? A temporary vacation from the eating disorder?” Group members congratulated one another, though, for the success of any length of time without behaviors. What are some ways you can maintain that attitude of celebration—commemorate it? Whether it’s 1, 5, or 75 days, be encouraged that every step is a victory. Some members are walking through some pretty significant transitions during this season; others are facing very deep and challenging (and unpleasant) things in therapy. What was echoed back to these folks, though, is their exuding a calmer presence. Perhaps it has something to do with being faced with such significant challenges and facing your fears, head-on, that brings strength. It calls out from you a strength you may not have known you had. As you begin to walk it out, though—really take steps through those hard places—my hope is that you begin to see for yourself the courage and strength you really possess. And that it continues to infiltrate other areas of your life, giving you that much more determination to walk away from the ED. Another member talked about honesty and the challenge it can be to really exercise that while struggling with an ED. My guess is that all of us can relate to the deceitfulness that just seems to naturally accompany an ED. When we’re in it, self-preservation kicks in, and we’ll do just about anything to protect it. Recovery, though, calls us out into the light—out of the shadows and into speaking the truth. It forces us to get real and get honest. This member has committed herself to honesty in recovery. Groups like this one help foster that kind commitment. Coming together, speaking our struggles in the light and in the company of others, is powerful. Whether you know it or not, you are calling your recovery into existence, just by acknowledging it, verbally. Finally, another group member shared her sadness and frustration with “doing all the right things,” yet not seeing results. She is fighting for recovery, doing the hard work of therapy and group meetings and so on, yet not really seeing the payoff. Many in the group responded by reminding her of all the ways her success in recovery has inspired them to keep going. Recovery can be very slow-going, and it can be next to impossible to see our own progress sometimes. When we feel stuck, we need others to remind us of where we came from, where we’ve been. And, all too often, we have no idea how our own stories are impacting and changing the lives of others.

I would like to leave this entry with that idea. I’ve had the privilege of helping with this group for the past 18 weeks, and I am sad to say that this next week will be my last. As I’ve expressed before, it has been an honor to co-facilitate in a group of so many gifted individuals. You all have such wisdom for one another and such courage to continue to show up, week after week, fighting for freedom from the ED. I am challenged, inspired, and moved every time. I have been profoundly affected and for the better. Thank you, Dr. Dorie, for taking a chance with me. Thank you, Kate and Tricia, for your leadership and teaching. And thank you, group, for allowing me to witness your journey. It’s something I don’t take lightly. I will carry it with me in my heart and miss this group. May you continue to fight, continue to lift one another up along the way, and experience the joys of life on the other side. 

Peace and recovery to each one of you, Stefani

Written by Stefani Adair, Volunteer Facilitator